Recently there's too many things happening in life .. till i'm left.. speechless on certain issues ...
Locking my heart up, freezing it in the darkest n coldest place ... where no one can ever touch...
was melted by 1 that i'm so defenceless against ....
along the process i even lost myself completely not understanding the reason why...
why am i so attracted to her....
why am i so in love with her ...
what's making me, going heads over hills for her ...
why is she special ....
why did missed every second when i'm not around her...
even when i'm resting why am i woken up by dreaming of her ...
what's the reason behind with what i'm feeling towards n for her ...
why...why ..why ...
there's isn't an answer to be found no matter how hard i tried...
now .... i'm just as good as a body without a soul ...
faced with a full plague betrayal from a so call old friend ...
giving encouragement on one hand ..yet .. doing like wise on the other...
makes me aware that ..shits like this, still do exist in this ugly world ...
...while going thru all these ... i hv discovered some friends that are so true towards
me, even for those we seldom contact....
that warms my heart a little... just a little ...
Thank u... all u lovely people for giving me all the encouragement that u can give, n standing by my side whenever u can...
I'm sad to say i'm trying n did tried to put everything behind..
somehow or rather ... i failed badly ...
I know deep within me, i will not hate her or even bear grudges towards her for even a second of my life... yet ... i'm still concern of her well being...
over all these years .. i have never come across one incident of such ..that i'm going thru right now ...
leaving me so helplessly vulnerable .... when leaving is the only option left ...yet it's so hard to even take the first steps ....
Even though i can hold on to my feeling ...blinding myself up for not knowing the fact that,
my heart is telling me , " if u leave now ... u will regret the rest of ur life ..."
she's the only person i've come across that gave me such feeling ...
situations are already in such a stage ... even by knowing that ... she's seeing that guy ... disgust me ...
yet ...my tears still flows uncontrollably when night falls ....
When my heart wants to move on ... somehow somewhere my brain's telling me otherwise...
While my mind's made up to go ...my heart's holds on, too dearly to letting go...
i'm currently at the worst stage of my life .. defeated in the worst battled ever fought ...
basically ... i'm lost ......
losing myself completely....
losing life ...
losing every sense i ever know ...
i need time to heal..